Overcoming Jealousy: How to Overcome Jealousy in Your Relationships
"A New Way to Look at Jealousy"
Jealousy can point to any number of
challenges in relationships
and here's why and how . . .
You can have jealousy issues
with other people's things, their success,
their beauty, their athletic prowess, their
relationship, their
kids, their education, their money, and their life. It can
be a tiny feeling in your gut or it can be an overwhelming
sensation that drives you to say and do things that you wouldn't
do otherwise. In its extreme, it can lead to
divorce.
Jealousy can creep in when you least expect it and it's always
a signal to look within and discover what's underneath it.
In fact, jealousy is almost never just about the jealousy itself
and what seems to be happening on the surface like
flirting
with another person. It's usually about whatever is lurking
underneath that needs to be uncovered and dealt with. It
might be a
broken heart from a previous relationship or it
might be low self esteem issues.
One thing we know from our own experiences and from the
experiences of our clients is that the first step to changing
anything in your life is first to become aware of your feelings
and the reasons why you want to change.
These are feelings that separate you from other people and
destroy relationship
trust. These feelings may be anger, fear, sadness, or
anything else that close you down and don't allow a connection
with those you love.
We've discovered that you can stuff your feelings and deny
that they are there until they become so big that you are forced
to deal with them, or you can acknowledge what you are feeling
and make the commitment that you are ready to have another
experience in your life. You are saying that you are willing to
do what it takes to heal that part of yourself.
When it comes to
overcoming jealousy, no matter how it shows up in
your life, it doesn't go away until it is acknowledged and
there is a strong desire to do whatever is necessary to
change and heal it. You also can't point your finger outward
at others. You have to be committed to changing yourself.
Here's a quick example of how jealousy can manifest
itself and a couple of tips for getting to the bottom of it.
One of our coaching clients, Tom, found himself being
jealous of a young, new employee in his office.
He kept denying his feelings about this new co-worker
and found that at home, he was irritable with his wife
and was snapping at his kids more than usual.
Tom really knew that he had to do something about
his jealousy when he made an uncharacteristic sarcastic
remark when the new employee launched an idea in
one of their sales meetings.
Tom committed to finding out where his jealous feelings
were coming from. He took some time alone to get quiet
and feel what he was feeling and put words to those
feelings.
Then he asked himself some questions like "Why do I
feel threatened?" "What am I fearing will happen?
and "What does this feeling remind me of?"
He wrote his answers as he asked himself these questions
and he was able to get a glimpse of what he needed to
heal within himself.
If you are having challenges with jealousy or any
By: Susie and Otto Collins
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